Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
