That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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