yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Thank you for not boning my boss.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
