you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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