Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
