she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
