I'm gonna have a badass scar
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
