broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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