Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
