phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
