You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
