I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
