Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
