Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
