So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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