This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
