she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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