I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think your dad took our porno
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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