I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
