I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my shit smells like andre
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
