PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
