Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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