If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
