You work out of a Hotel?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
