Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize