i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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