She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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