She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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