i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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