I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
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Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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