The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Four minutes until I can fart!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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