Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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