Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
