I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
