Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
