Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
