I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
