dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
