I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
