Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
