AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
