My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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