Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I look better un-naked...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
