Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
