I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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