THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
