In the future we'll all be gay
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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