Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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