I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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