Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
