i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
