you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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