We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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