can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
then he tried to convert me to islam
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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