Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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