She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
