Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
