Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
