If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
