He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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