We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
