Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
...so i touched it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
