Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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