I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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