Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
