I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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