is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
