I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
