I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
