Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What happened to fro yo and sex?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
