can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
