No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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