lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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