9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
