What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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