Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
