My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
someone threw a dead crab at me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize