never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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