we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
